The Life That Almost Was
by Lyra Virgo Black
Summary: AU- In which Marlene McKinnon was away on an Order mission the night her family was killed and the ripples from this small change are felt throughout the Wizarding World of Britain.


Au- In which Marlene McKinnon was away on an Order mission the night her family was killed and the ripples from this small change are felt throughout the Wizarding World of Britain.

Chapter One

Winter had come early this year; the autumn weather of mid-November had given away to harsh, howling winds, and a great bitter coldness that nipped at children's numb fingers and rosy cheeks. The previous lush green grounds had been covered in a thin, sheen layer of frost that gave them an almost luminous effect which seemed to only add to the almost ethereal beauty of Hogwarts castle. Inside the castle warm fires blazed merrily inside fireplaces, garlands of bright colorful flowers, festive mistletoe and other assortments of holiday decorations were being hung up by volunteers, friends sat in their common rooms sipping hot coco from mugs, and students strolled the hallways humming holiday tunes under their breaths.

Inside the office of one Minerva McGonagall, the Deputy Headmistress of the castle however, the room's two occupants were hardly singing "God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs".

Marlene Black (nee McKinnon) stood in front of the professor's desk; her shot bob of honey hair pulled back and tied into a messy, half-haphazardly, done up ponytail. The robe that adorned her person was not only rumpled and stained, but tailored in an uncomplimentary shade of dreary grey, and Marlene clearly had not bothered to have its measurements adjusted for quite some time judging by the way that it only managed to just barely to stretch over her amply large, nine months pregnant, stomach. Her arms were folded across her torso, her cheeks flushed in a violent shade of red, her nostrils were flared, her breath was coming in slow deep heaves, and her dark hazel eyes were narrowed slits alight with temper.

In short, Marlene Black was one, incensed, hormonally imbalanced, pregnant woman.

Opposite her, Minerva McGonagall sat behind the imposing oak desk, the rather sizable stack of thin pieces of ivory parchment lying next to her, along with the feather quill clutched in her hand indicated that the transfiguration professor had been in the middle of marking student's essays before Marlene had stormed the castle and made her rather…unexpected (and truth be told, a tad bit over dramatic) entrance; during which she had hurled open Minerva's office doors with such force that for a single, wild, moment Minerva had been convinced somebody had just used a blasting hex on them. As it was they were, thankfully, still attached to their ancient, now incessantly rattling, hinges although they were hanging on them rather precariously.

There came a lull, a drawn out, rather awkward, lapse in which a deafening silence came and covered the room, wrapping and enveloping it like one would bundle a small child in a blanket as neither woman made an attempt at speech, each for different reasons.

Minerva, for her part, couldn't understand for the life of her what had managed to get Marlene so agitated and what part _she _herself had to do with it, and it seemed like a rather pointless waste of breath to bother trying to pose such a question to her when she refused to do anything but stand in the middle of her office and glower at her.

Marlene, for her part, was far too livid, far too incensed, at the current moment that she was wholly unable to form any semblance of coherent speech that didn't involve a combination of screeching and cursing at Minerva, and she didn't see how such an action could possibly be beneficial to her main purpose in coming here to start with.

Therefore, she chose to say nothing, and decided to take the wisdom of the proverb 'actions speak louder than words' to heart.

The only problem was she wasn't quite sure that it was having the effect that she had hoped for.

The seconds ticked by, each and every one of them feeling more like the equivalent of an hour to the two woman in the room, before Minerva, embracing the bravery and daring qualities of her own house, broke the dense quiet, clearing her throat rather delicately before she gave a vague gesture towards her visitor's chair. "Would you….would you like to sit down Marlene?"

"I'm perfectly fine standing thank you." Was the younger woman's curt reply, even though sitting down did sound like a little slice of heaven right about now. She was entering into her thirty sixth week, and her pregnancy was starting to take its toll. She had heartburn constantly, the smell of favorite perfume made her nauseous, her ankles were swollen, her feet constantly throbbed with pain, her back ached, half her nights were spent twisting in bed trying in vain to find a comfortable position and overcome and the insomnia that had begun plaguing her since her seventh month, and the other half of the night satisfying her increasingly odd cravings when this failed, and the baby was quite insistent in their misunderstanding that, _**no**_, her bladder did not also happen to be a kickball.

Marlene adored the little monkey, but he/she really had to bustle themselves along and come out already.

The awkward silence enveloped the room again, lasting for several measured beats, before Minerva broke it yet again asking about the first topic that came to her mind. "So, the baby is healthy I presume?"

"I didn't come here for small talk Minerva."

"Then why-"

Marlene lunged abruptly, slamming her hands down onto the oak desk violently, scattering the essays, notes, and paperwork alike, and all but baring her teeth and growling at a plainly stunned Minerva, who had a single random thought that Marlene had been hit with a Confundus Charm or was under an improperly done Imperious Curse, as she was acting as one might expect a feral dog would.

In truth however, Marlene had simply reached her breaking point and her frustration, her annoyance, at this entire miserable situation overflowed, only being made that much worse due to her damnable hormones.

"Marlene, what in Merlin's Grey Beard has gotten into you?!"

Marlene's answer to that question was simply to counter it with a question of her own. "Where the _**hell**_ is Harry Minerva?!"

She watched in satisfaction as comprehension dawned on the elder woman's face, which quickly transformed itself into a scowl when she opened her mouth and began to repeat the exact same mantra she had been spewing at her for weeks now. "Marlene, we have had this conversation, several times over as a matter of fact, and I believe that I have told you time and time again, and again. I can't tell you. Simply rest assured that he is hidden away in a safe, well protected environment and that you will be able to see him when he reaches eleven and comes to Hogwarts."

Marlene's already narrowed eyes, narrowed further. "Bullshit" She said simply.

"Marlene!" Minerva exclaimed, scandalized. "Watch your language please…."

"Don't you bloody well start lecturing me Minerva!" Marlene shouted cutting across her. "Maybe you aren't aware of this, but what you, Albus, and whoever else was involved in this little scheme of yours did, is legally kidnapping!"

"Marlene-" Minerva started, looking quite aghast over such an accusation.

But Marlene wasn't nearly finished.

"Albus was not named the executor of Lily and James's will…. "

"Marlene…."

"….he had absolutely _**no bloody authority**_ to make such a decision in the first place….!"

"Marlene, please…."

" ….completely going against Lily and James's specifically documented wishes…. overstepped your bounds…..no authority….no say….have you people never even heard of due process…..too much bloody power …"

"Marlene!" Minerva interrupted, shouting herself now. She paused, allowing Marlene a moment to collect herself and calm slightly, before she gestured towards her visitors chair again. "Now, will you please be kind enough to sit down so we can discuss this calmly and rationally, like normal people, _without_ hollering like a banshee, _or_ any cursing?" Catching the look on her face, Minerva was hasty to add. "And I doubt that it's healthy for the baby to get this worked up, is it?"

The last statement caused Marlene to pause, the tirade that she had worked up withering and dying on her lips, having admittedly not considered that, momentarily forgetting about the baby altogether for the briefest of moments, having felt so, simply, bloody righteous about finally being able to give Minerva a well deserved piece of her mind to consider such a thing. Guilt consumed her nearly instantaneously, and, in fact, it was only just now, vaguely as though she was looking at something through a thick haze of dark smoke, that she was able to recognize that a dull roar had begun to resonate in her ear drums, and the pounding of her hear against her ribcage, beating in fast sporadic bursts, and only now did she also realize just how loud her shouting had become, rising several octaves since she had started speaking.

Marlene blinked once, twice, and then ever so slowly, her eyes slid shut as she rested her palm softly against her bulging middle section, taking long slow deep breaths, acknowledging that however wrong she may consider Minerva's decisions on other aspects-the most notable one the exact reason why she was here currently, didn't change the fact that she was right. It wasn't healthy for the baby, and Marlene couldn't-_**wouldn't**_- let anything happen to the baby.

In a way, it was all she had left of….

This particular train of thought was derailed rather quickly, her subconscious squashing the minute prickle of reasoning before it could cement itself into her mind.

She would not allow herself to dwell on that, not on those morbid, desolate, thoughts that seemed to consistently plague her as of later ever since the….the… incident, a few weeks ago.

There was a certain time, and a certain place for such thoughts, for such dwelling.

Now was not that time.

And it most certainly was not the place.

Her lips parted, the soft listless sigh that escaped from their confines barely audible in the room, before Marlene suck, somewhat reluctantly, into the thinly cushioned chair on the opposite side of Minerva.

For the third time in a space of less than ten minutes, silence permeated Minerva McGonagall's office. There was an elephant in the room now that Marlene's true purpose was out in the open, and since it seemed that Marlene was not willing to say any more on the subject at the current moment in time, least the shouting match start up again, Minerva decided that the best course of action would be to return to the original subject that she had broached, to act as a buffer if nothing else, as she considered it a relatively safe subject to test the waters as it was.

"So, Marlene, the baby is healthy yes?"

Marlene heaved a sigh, which seemed to be occurring more and more frequently, and ran a hand through her hair, wincing as finger's caught in the uncombed tangles. "Yes-yes, the baby is fine Minerva, perfect health for both of us."

The underlying tone of distress that tinged the words would have been difficult for one to miss, and Minerva felt herself soften a bit as she recalled just what trials the woman sitting in front of her had been placed through in the past few weeks.

Hesitantly, she reached forward and clasped Marlene's hands in her own. "And what about yourself, you are…coping well with the recent events, yes?"

It happened quite suddenly.

The muscles in Marlene's shoulders and went rigidly tensed; her fingernails coiled themselves into the palms of her hands in what seemed to be a half formed gesture of defense, and her hands twitched back as if she meant to pull them away from the older woman's grasp, which only strengthened in return to such an action.

There was a sudden crackling tension in the air, and after a long, tense, moment in which Minerva thought she would say nothing at all, she spoke her voice as stiff as her rigid frame.

"I suppose, that I am doing as well as one can when their innocent husband is tossed into Azkaban after the murder of thirteen muggles and everybody in the wizarding world believes him a psychotic madman devoted to the cause of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named."

Wearily, Minerva pressed her forefingers to her temples, and closed her eyes. "Marlene, while I might not understand your exact…situation, that does not mean that I do not have at least an idea of what you happen to be going through, and well you can rest assured that you have my whole hearted sympathy for all that has happened, you must cease with these perceived notions of innocence."

A noise that seemed suspiciously like a scoff emanated from the blonde woman's side, her lips curling into the faintest of sneers. "You understand" She parroted, the words so soft that they sounded like an echo reverberating off a distant wall. "Forgive me for having my doubts Minerva, but do you? Do you really, truly understand? Understand what it's like to have the entirety of your family torn away from you in the course of a single night? To try, and fail, to comprehend that siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles who you had been talking with mere hours before are all just _**gone; **_and all the while for every hour of every minute of every tiny little second deal with the guilt that you should have been there to fight with them, to defend them, even though you know that if you were you wouldn't have made any difference, that you would have just died with them!"

Minerva felt her lips purse as Marlene continued with her tirade, fighting back the flash of familiar irrational (and even a vague hint of anger) at Marlene's obstinate refusal to accept the truth of Black's motivation. The poor girl was still young after all, barely twenty, and Minerva doubted that had their respective positions be reversed she herself would be willing to believe that a man whom she had shared a bed with, whom she had spoken vows with and conceived a child with (all things which were more than likely done on the orders of You-Know-Who, so that Black would be able to maintain an outward presence of loyalty to the order) could perform such atrocious acts on innocents.

The sad truth of the matter was that Black had pulled the wool over all of their eyes, blinded them to the truth; saw to it that the Order members only saw what they wished. The man had never abandoned his familial ideals, not about the importance of blood purity, not about the muggle's stance in the world, not about anything.

But Marlene would not hear any of it; Sirius had been her steady boulder in the wake of the death of the McKinnon's, a shoulder to cry on. He had feigned sympathy at Marlene's loss, claimed he knew what it felt like as well to lose one's kin, comforted her with pitying looks and gentle touches. Bonding over the (supposed) shared loses in the damnable war had been how the two near strangers they had grown so close so very quickly after all (they might have both been in the Order, but they had rarely interacted outside of missions.) She had succumbed to the bastard's charm like so many women before, and within a year the two had eloped in one of the Ministry's courtrooms. It had stunned many, firstly that the usually so level headed Marlene McKinnon would rush into such a life altering decision so hastily, and secondly that the philandering Sirius Black had seemingly settled down and tied himself to only one woman (James had easily been the most stunned of all, and for several weeks remained utterly convicted to the notion that his best friend was simply playing an elaborate prank on him). It had to have been grief that had blinded her, grief and lust(for Black had always been a devilishly handsome man, even the most begrudging of woman could admit such) and need, the tangible aching need of knowing that in what had seemed like the final days for them all that she had not been alone in the world.

These rather unpleasant thoughts caused the memory to abruptly flash through her mind's eye, unbidden, unwanted. Dougal on one knee in that ploughed field, his face as she gave back the ring, his desperate cries for a reason that she could not give as she walked away….

….A throat was cleared rather pointedly.

She was thrust back into reality, the memories of long ago burrowing themselves back into the depth of her mind, and it took Minerva a moment to comprehend that Marlene was staring at her, and realized that the other woman was finally finished speaking and was quite clearly awaiting Minerva's response.

"I say yet again, that while I will more than readily admit it; I do not understand what you specifically are going through, I do know full well what it is like to lose someone whom you love and whom you care for deeply…."

"Everybody involved in this war knows that that feels like."

"….And your loyalty towards Black is admirable, among other things."Minerva continued pointedly, as if she had not been interrupted. "All the evidence points to him as the culprit, not the least being he was apprehended at the scene of the crime, _laughing_ of all things."

"He isn't capable of killing anybody, save for the Death Eater's, and certainly not innocent muggles!" Marlene contended, clearly bound to be as stubborn as possible.

"He is, and he did; in broad daylight too." Minerva responded bluntly. "In front of dozens of witnesses…." She broke off mid-sentence, and with a sigh she reached up and rubbed her forehead in impatience. "This conversation is getting us nowhere, nor, I imagine, will it manage to."

"I quite agree." Came Marlene's tart response, and with those words, she proceeded turned the conversation around full circle.

"So perhaps we would be better off moving to a different topic, namely the location of my missing godson."

Minerva had been wondering how long it would take for this subject to rear its ugly head yet again. "Marlene, for what is perhaps the hundredth time, I simply cannot tell you."

It took a rather significant effort on Marlene's part to ensure that her tone remained light and even, lapsing back into her previous behavior would not help in anyway. "Actually, since at the current moment you quite clearly still retain the power of speech, youcan tell me, you are simply choosing not to."

"Albus handpicked his designated guardians…."

"And that had no relevance, since Albus was not named as the executor of Lily and James wills, and since it was also stated in that very same document legal custody of Harry was to be transferred to Sirius and myself at the time of their deaths. He overstepped his authority, Minerva, we both know this, and I am simply trying to rectify a mistake that never should have occurred to begin with. "

"Marlene" Minerva's started, looking many years older. "I am fully aware of that, but Albus has assured me, many times in fact, that he is as safe as he could possibly be and that he will have a normal life with his guardians; that they are the best possible choice."

Marlene stared at her intently, shrewd eyes examining the planes of her face, her brows drawing together as if trying to work out a particularly complex piece of spell work. "But you don't think so."

Astonished, Minerva did little more than stare at the younger woman.

"You don't do you?" Her voice was rising again saturated in the tones of incredulity; the silent vow she had made herself to engage in no more shouting matches being quickly forgotten now. "You don't think that these so called perfect guardians Albus chose are acceptable and you just stood by and did nothing-"

"I never said they were perfect, simply….acceptable" Minerva protested weakly.

"Then why leave Harry with them?!" She demanded

"So that he may have a normal life, outside of the wizarding world-"

"Outside of the wizarding world… you left him with muggles?!"

Minerva winced as she realized her slip of the tongue, but there was little point to lie now that it was out in the open, Marlene certainly wouldn't allow her to at any rate.

"Yes, so that he may have a life away from his fame…" Minerva began to explain.

"…Only to be overwhelmed by it when he reenters our world, thereby to sum it up, your intentions are to allow him the illusion of a normal existence, which he'll never truly have, for a mere fraction of his life and then to toss him into Black Lake to sink or swim when he finally enters Hogwarts."

"Of course it isn't…"

"Really, because that's certainly what it sounds like to me!"

"Marlene, I understand that you're upset but…."

"But nothing Minerva! Lily and James would have wanted Harry to live in the wizarding world, they would have wanted Harry to know and grow up surrounded by the culture of the world that he was born in, or do their wishes not account for anything anymore?! Honestly Minerva, answer me this, how does Albus possibly know who's better to raise Harry then his own parents?"

Minerva faltered visibly, and then ventured. "Because Albus said it was the best place for him…"

Marlene simply stared at her for a few moments, utter disbelief etched across her face before, inexplicitly she began to laugh, a short, bitter sounding, laugh. "Yes, and dare it be anybody's place to question any of the great Albus Dumbledore's decisions! Did he even say why it was the best place for Harry to live?"

Minerva started to answer, and then paused as she realized for the first time, that no, Albus had never given her a genuine reason for why Harry must reside at the Dursley's house.

"No, he did not." She finally said.

"I didn't think so." Marlene's tone was as bitter as her laugh had been.

Minerva, for a single second, considered giving into the younger woman's demands and relenting, for if she was being honest with herself a fairly large part of herself detested the thought of Harry staying with his aunt who Lily had so often said despised magic and the overweight man whom had seemed to be quite rude, and the horribly spoiled boy of a son of theirs.

But then she reminded herself that Albus had yet to be wrong before, and he had said that the Dursley's house was the safest location for Harry to grow up in, and she had sworn to tell no soul where Harry was living, and besides that Albus had given specific orders to both her and Hagrid to tell nobody where Harry was…..

"Marlene, I _am_ sorry, but I will not tell you. I shall simply repeat myself one last time Harry is safe that's all you need to know, now if you would please show yourself out….."

"Merlin's most ill fitting pants Minerva, Harry has already lost his parent's, now you're going to deny him his heritage because Albus Dumbledore said to?!"

Though she knew that it was really quite small of her, in a tiny, vindictive part of her mind, Marlene was glad for the obvious distress that this inquiry caused the Hogwart's professor. Clearly, this was not the first time that she herself had considered such a thing.

That fact that she still had done nothing to rectify the situation despite it, somehow, someway, simply irked Marlene further.

Minerva anxiously swiped her tongue across her now very dry lips and, tentatively, opened her mouth to speak, then closed it, and duplicated this process again several times before. "Albus will almost certainly intervene and send the boy back if he discovers he no longer resides where he was placed."

"The old windbag can certainly try." Marlene responded grimly.

She watched as the older woman's forehead creased and looking slightly reluctant to broach what she obviously believed to be a sensitive subject, she ventured. "Why such animosity against Albus?"

Was that meant to be rhetorical? Dumbledore had been the leader of the Order, yet when it had became evident that there was a traitorous rat amongst them, he had not partaken in any actual efforts to uncover whom they were, and then as both Chief Warlock and the Supreme Mugwump, he had not exercised his influence over the courts so that her husband might be granted the basic human right of a trial; and now Sirius was paying the price for his negligence, rotting away in some godforsaken cell in the bowels of Azkaban, his mind slowly but surely being taken from him by the Dementor's.

It had…fractured her trust in him to say the least; and it had only been compounded when she had gone to him the morning after Sirius's arrest and subsequent imprisonment (all of which had happened on the same day) and pleaded with him to help, to intervene on Sirius's behalf; only to be sent away with a look of supreme empathy and a compassionate speech about how Sirius was not the man any of them thought that he was.

But she would not say as much, to do so would simply see the two of them delving back into an argument over their own wildly differing opinions on the matter, so Marlene said only. "I have my reasons, none of which are pertinent to this topic, and does it truly matter either way that's not the point as to why I'm here. Now I will repeat _myself_ for the last time Minerva, where is Harry?!"

If she would not tell her, she would take her case to the child services Marlene vowed, and beg or nag or yell enough until somebody came over to see what the fuss was about. Perhaps she should have done so in the beginning, but although her confidence in Dumbledore was severely diminished, she had still respected and trusted Minerva McGonagall, and had desired to give her the opportunity to fix this mess she was partially responsible for without involving the Ministry and tarnishing her cultiavated reputation in the process.

If only the woman would stop believing that Dumbledore was all knowing for a few seconds, then maybe that still might be possible.

Minerva sighed then, and Marlene would swear that she heard her mutter under her breath "No, I suppose it doesn't." Before she looked at her with a keen shrewdness. "You were not friends with James and Lily, Marlene, you hardly knew them and your interactions were from what I could see, minimal to say the least. The sole reason you are Harry's godmother is because of your marriage. Why are so interested in their son's welfare?"

There was little choice besides the truth. "Sirius loved them, and Harry was his godson before I was his wife."

"I see, so all of this commotion is being done in the name of Black?" Her displeasure over that was quite obvious.

"Does it honestly matter whose name I'm doing all of this in?" Marlene demanded, "Minerva, look, you don't like whoever it is Dumbledore placed Harry with that much is glaringly clear. I'm standing here telling you that I am willing to take him in, and care for him and raise him as the wizard that he's meant to be raised as. I do not have any ulterior motives other than to see to it that the boy my husband loved like his own son is raised in a loving household toddling around with his cousin " Her hand pressed against the bulge of her stomach. "I'm not a Death Eater, Minerva, neither was Sirius even if nobody else agrees with me, and I'm not going to raise Harry to become one or turn him into the next Dark Lord. All I want is to see to it that Harry get's the family he deserves, the family Sirius would have wanted to give him."

Minerva considered the woman in front of her. Marlene was a willful woman, willful and headstrong and often stubborn (traits that she and Black shared, now that she thought it over.) But all of that did not mean she was unsuitable as a guardian, for all the bad there was also good. In fact quite often, Marlene was a genial, calm and rational minded woman; and as she had proven time and time again during her time in the Order, she was more than willing put her own life on the line for those that she considered to be friends and allies. There was little reason to suspect she would not do the same for either her own child, or any child in her care for that matter; and when Minerva tried to picture it, she could not conceive of a scenario in which Lily's sister would do the same for Harry, based on what she had observed and of Lily's occasional murmurings of her sister who loathed any and everything about the magical world.

It was this particular train of thoughts that finally made Minerva McGonagall mind come to a firm decision, and besides at the end of the day how was the poor boy any safer with those horrid muggles then in the household of a fully trained, and capable witch.

She took a deep breath. "While I cannot tell you where directly where Harry is…." She held up her hand to cut Marlene off as she opened her mouth. "If you want to find him, then I would strongly advise going to Surrey, more specifically the neighborhood of Little Whinging, and checking house Number Four on Privet Drive."

There was a measure beat of silence and then. "You recommend this, then do you?"

"If one was trying to find Harry Potter…then yes, yes I do."

Another beat, and then. "Thank you, Minerva."

"I'm certain I don't know what you're talking about." Minerva responded, swishing her wand around to begin the process of cleaning up her office. She gestured towards the fireplace, "Feel free to use my floo to leave, I'm certain that you wouldn't want to have to traverse the stair cases again in your current condition."

Marlene thought of the students gaping in ill disguised bewilderment, the looks of burning sympathy from the teachers who had known who she was, and the sneering face and mocking words and tone of Severus Snape as she had nearly run him down in her haste to reach Minerva's office, and nodded once. "That would…better, again thank you."

She waddled over to the fireplace, and taking a handful of the powder Minerva had placed on the mantle, tossed it into the roaring fire and watched as the flames turned a brilliant emerald green. She waddled in, struggling to fit her stomach in the confined space and, just as she was about to speak her desired location, Minerva spoke up again.

"Marlene….take good care of him"

The blonde woman glanced over at her and then nodded. "I will, Minerva, I swear it."

The older woman smiled faintly, it was the last thing Marlene saw before she called out. "The Leaky Cauldron"

She vanished from the office in a swirl of flame and smoke, and with the knowledge that she was finally one step closer to getting Harry back.

* * *

So, this is my first attempt at a fanfiction, or writing for that matter, and I would appreciate opinions, and also I originally planned on this being much longer but I then decided it had gotten long enough and cut it off there, also there is a poll up on my profile please go and vote! Thank you all for reading hope you enjoyed it!

-Lyra Virgo Black


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